fic: Once Upon [Stargate Atlantis, John/Teyla]

[greenconverses]

Title: Once Upon
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan
Summary: "I had a kid once." Spoilers for Sunday - one big one and one elaboration on a smaller one.
Notes: Written sometime after Sunday aired because I got angry that everyone on GateWorld automatically assumed that Sheppard's first marrige didn't work out because he Kirked around. As if. Sheppard's way too loyal to cheat.

Once Upon

 

“I had a kid once.”

Teyla is not sure what prompted him to say this. Perhaps it is the laughter of the Athosian children as they circle the fire pit in the distance or the glowing look the betrothed couple had shared as they parted for one last night alone. Maybe it is still the lingering guilt and grief of Carson’s passing weighing down his mind, trudging up past tragedies. Maybe he still feels like an outcast among her people even after three years.

She suspects it could be a multitude of emotions like these, but she does not question him. She often feels the same and knows how hard it is to find a listening ear.

            
“Once?” Teyla asks, glancing up at him.

            
The orange firelight dances across his face, but it does not warm his stoic expression. He wears that mask more often now and she sees less of the John Sheppard she knew. He leans back against their log, his arm lying across her shoulder protectively, and stares up at the purple-black sky.

            
“Yeah. Died in her sleep when she was two months old. I fell asleep.”

            
Teyla hears his anguish even though she does not see it. She knows what it must have been like when John awoke the next morning and found his child’s body empty and cold. She has seen too many winters where children have fallen into eternal sleep and has been awakened by too many grief-stricken screams in the night.

            
Once upon a time, she let a scream like that tear from her throat too.

            
She knows, like many others, John does not (could not) forgive himself for it and carries the loss with him like his other burdens.

            
She knows because his pain is her own.

Yet this is not the time to share her grief, to close John up before he can even begin, and she boxes up those memories for another day.

          
“My wife blamed me, like she always did, and I shut everything out. She called me heartless and cruel at our divorce hearing, and then walked out of court with the sunniest smile on her face. She never understood.”

            
Teyla threads her hand in his, knowing what was left unsaid.

            
“Did you love her?”

            
She only asks because John never speaks of those he left behind on Earth and how he must miss them. The woman who captured his heart must have been extraordinary and their marriage blissful before the tragedy tore them apart.

            
His green eyes flicker to her for a moment as his fingers brush against her collarbone.

            
“I only married her because I got her pregnant,” he says, unashamed, “After the baby died, there was nothing left.”

            
For an entirely selfish moment, Teyla feels relief.

         

X-posted to john_teyla and teylafen. Sorry for the spam!


Now, off to write more scholarship essays!

Comments

[greenconverses.livejournal.com]

I find it interesting that most of the fics I've read have children be the issue one way or another.

I honestly think that's because it's one of the most plausible reasons - Sheppard's good with the Athosian kids, so why doesn't he have a rugrat of his own? Plus, it makes for good angst plotlines and Sheppard would totally be a hot dad. :)

Seriously, though, I think problems with children work so much better than the standard "She couldn't handle my military career, wah!" plotline I've been seeing lately. I'd like to think John's ex-wife was in the military too and was very ambitious, and she couldn't handle anyone slowing her down, not even a husband or a baby.

Thanks for the review and your thoughts!