fic: Once Upon [Stargate Atlantis, John/Teyla]

[greenconverses]

Title: Once Upon
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan
Summary: "I had a kid once." Spoilers for Sunday - one big one and one elaboration on a smaller one.
Notes: Written sometime after Sunday aired because I got angry that everyone on GateWorld automatically assumed that Sheppard's first marrige didn't work out because he Kirked around. As if. Sheppard's way too loyal to cheat.

Once Upon

 

“I had a kid once.”

Teyla is not sure what prompted him to say this. Perhaps it is the laughter of the Athosian children as they circle the fire pit in the distance or the glowing look the betrothed couple had shared as they parted for one last night alone. Maybe it is still the lingering guilt and grief of Carson’s passing weighing down his mind, trudging up past tragedies. Maybe he still feels like an outcast among her people even after three years.

She suspects it could be a multitude of emotions like these, but she does not question him. She often feels the same and knows how hard it is to find a listening ear.

            
“Once?” Teyla asks, glancing up at him.

            
The orange firelight dances across his face, but it does not warm his stoic expression. He wears that mask more often now and she sees less of the John Sheppard she knew. He leans back against their log, his arm lying across her shoulder protectively, and stares up at the purple-black sky.

            
“Yeah. Died in her sleep when she was two months old. I fell asleep.”

            
Teyla hears his anguish even though she does not see it. She knows what it must have been like when John awoke the next morning and found his child’s body empty and cold. She has seen too many winters where children have fallen into eternal sleep and has been awakened by too many grief-stricken screams in the night.

            
Once upon a time, she let a scream like that tear from her throat too.

            
She knows, like many others, John does not (could not) forgive himself for it and carries the loss with him like his other burdens.

            
She knows because his pain is her own.

Yet this is not the time to share her grief, to close John up before he can even begin, and she boxes up those memories for another day.

          
“My wife blamed me, like she always did, and I shut everything out. She called me heartless and cruel at our divorce hearing, and then walked out of court with the sunniest smile on her face. She never understood.”

            
Teyla threads her hand in his, knowing what was left unsaid.

            
“Did you love her?”

            
She only asks because John never speaks of those he left behind on Earth and how he must miss them. The woman who captured his heart must have been extraordinary and their marriage blissful before the tragedy tore them apart.

            
His green eyes flicker to her for a moment as his fingers brush against her collarbone.

            
“I only married her because I got her pregnant,” he says, unashamed, “After the baby died, there was nothing left.”

            
For an entirely selfish moment, Teyla feels relief.

         

X-posted to john_teyla and teylafen. Sorry for the spam!


Now, off to write more scholarship essays!

Comments

[athosiangirl.livejournal.com]

Whow...what a take on Shep's first marriage...I never thought he 'kirked' around during his marriage...I have to agree with you, he is too loyal to anyone he would make a commitment too...I always thought that maybe he married young and his wife couldn't handle his military career...or something like that anyway...

This story was wonderfully in character...and I liked the underlining parallel between John and Teyla and having the shared connection of having lost a child...

Beautiful, Sad but wonderful

[missyvortexdv.livejournal.com]

There's something aobut this story I love, but can't put my finger on. It might be the way Teyla leaves her own memories for another day or the way he answers simply for once, being open without any confusion, whilst the nostalgia and anguish are mixed up. Either way this was enjoyable for all it's angst, the friendship evident and a nice view into Teyla's own character too.

[tielan]

Ooh! Interesting take on John's marriage.

I have to admit, I don't think John would cheat on anyone's marriage or relationship. And if he did in the heat of the moment, he'd guilt out.

Love the reference to Teyla having had children, and how she keeps that to herself and listens to him. Love the way she has a moment of jealousy and then the satisfaction of knowing he married the other woman out of duty, not love.

Beautiful, sad, and nicely done.

[erinm-4600.livejournal.com]

Thanks -- I'm interested to see takes on that scene - cause it came out of nowhere!

But, on the down side, you've set yourself up for an Act 2... What's Teyla's story?! I must know!!!

:-)

[greenconverses.livejournal.com]

But, on the down side, you've set yourself up for an Act 2... What's Teyla's story?!

There was a second section in this fic for Teyla's story, but I felt that John's story worked best all by itself. Act Two may be coming out soon. ;)

[purple-cube.livejournal.com]

Lovely, I really like your Teyla voice and the way that she responds to John opening up. I also love the ending; it just feels so right.

[jeyla4ever.livejournal.com]

Wonderful way to illustrate what was an empty scene in the series with this little piece. I like how you tied it up with Teyla and his relationship. I don't believe that John would have cheated on his wife either. For some reason I keep thinking that John married the girl that his family wanted him to marry...reputable family, proud military father....just came to mind, but I can certainly see John being such a gentleman and fulfilling his responsibility.

Very moving fic.....short, but very powerful...thank you!

[greenconverses.livejournal.com]

For some reason I keep thinking that John married the girl that his family wanted him to marry...reputable family, proud military father....

I thought that too, for the most part. In my mind, John's ex-wife was military and served in the same squadron as him or at least on the same base. Getting pregnant ruined her elaborate career plans and she blamed John and, by default, the baby.

There's a completely perfect emotional Shep Whump story in there somewhere... ;)

[loveconquers14.livejournal.com]

Oh this is lovely. I completely agree with you that John would be too loyal. Loved this more creative and more in depth take. Beautiful!

[saphanibaal.livejournal.com]

Everyone on GateWorld assumed WHAT?

Sorry. Sidetracked for a little there. I really like this story. I like the quiet unhappiness of it, and I like the idea of John doling bits of himself out to Teyla for whatever reason he does, and her understanding and appreciating them.

I liked your explanation for what broke up his marriage; I find it interesting that most of the fics I've read have children be the issue one way or another (yours, two I've read where they broke up because one wanted children and the other didn't, one where she got pregnant by somebody else, my thing where she decided to solve a rocky patch in their marriage by reversing their decision to wait to have kids on her own and he couldn't get past that), and I wonder whether it's because we see that strong loyalty in John Sheppard and generalize that he would feel a profound commitment should he become a father. (Even in mine, he totally would have been a major part in the resulting kid's life had they let him. This doesn't hold for the infidelity one, though -- I think that's more recognizing that he expects loyalty in return.)

[greenconverses.livejournal.com]

I find it interesting that most of the fics I've read have children be the issue one way or another.

I honestly think that's because it's one of the most plausible reasons - Sheppard's good with the Athosian kids, so why doesn't he have a rugrat of his own? Plus, it makes for good angst plotlines and Sheppard would totally be a hot dad. :)

Seriously, though, I think problems with children work so much better than the standard "She couldn't handle my military career, wah!" plotline I've been seeing lately. I'd like to think John's ex-wife was in the military too and was very ambitious, and she couldn't handle anyone slowing her down, not even a husband or a baby.

Thanks for the review and your thoughts!

[madjm.livejournal.com]

I'm finally starting to get caught up on my reading! This was a powerful little story. You know, I can easily see this being behind John's "I was married, and I sucked at it" attitude, even though it wasn't his fault. And I love that Teyla is a smidge glad that he didn't love the woman he married. Nice job!